Thursday, July 21, 2011

our birth in photo and video

Here are the photo's from our birth. A photo companion to the birth story

this last video is from right after he was born. im sorry its sideways <3

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Gideon, my mighty warrior,

God is so amazing. He made my body perfect. He created our bodies to do just what they should. This was not the birth I expected. Things didnt happen how i thought. I didnt get to have my water birth. I didnt catch my baby. My children and friends didnt get to see my son enter this world. And i gave birth in a place i NEVER thought i would be.

His birth is not about time. His birth just was. It was the birth he needed. It was the birth I needed ( even though i didn't know it ). His birth was a dance that James, Myself and my precious baby boy danced for hours on end. His birth was NOTHING i had planned, it was oh so very very much more.

Melinda arrived here in German on Friday the 23rd. James and Melinda both seemed to think i would have the baby that night or at least be in labor and give birth early Saturday morning. I kinda thought so too. I had been having big strong contractions every night for a week that would last for hours before they just went away. A few times James wanted to call our beloved midwife, Alexa, and I assured him it was not time. Saturday came and i was still pregnant and not in labor. I felt kind of sad when i woke up and i wasnt having contactions. But, that was okay. We went on with our day. I dont really remember what we did on Saturday. I'm sure we must have gone to base. Melinda and I went on a walk to the pond by the Zoo. We took the kids to the park to play, i threw each of them once on the zipline and then pushed Isaiah on the swings. Nothing much really happened. I remember around 6pm having a really strong contraction. I only noticed it because it was earlier in the evening then they had been starting. The previous days i hadn't had any contractions till around 8:30. I only had a few, but when we got home i could feel that they were getting stronger and more regular.

I waited it out a bit before telling James i thought something was happening. After i got Isaiah to sleep we decided to go for a walk in the dark. It was nice and cool out. We walked up and down our street. My contractions were coming very regular and with lots of pressure. They felt so amazing. We walked for a long time. We went home and we had to make a decision. I knew that i was in labor, but, it was early. No need to call anyone, no need to fill the pool. I knew James was very tired, i was too. I had James check me to see if i was chaning, and he said i was at a good solid 5cm ( that you Ina May for your dialation chart!! ) So we decided to go to bed and see what happend. I didnt sleep much that night. I'd wake every couple hours and just lay in the dark feeling the waves come over me. I loved every second of it. I layed there looking at James sleeping next to Isaiah, listening to them breath, thinking about the baby that would be sleeping with us this day! It was also Easter Sunday and i wanted to make sure the kids got their baskets from the Easter bunny, so i was thinking about that too. The Easter bunny had even brought a basket for the new baby, you know, just in case.

At 5am i told James i was ready to be up. I didnt want to lay in bed anymore, i was ready to be awake. Isaiah woke up too, so we brought him downstairs with us. I nursed him. I wanted to talk to someone, but it was so early and didn't want to wake anyone. So i got on facebook. My sister in law Rachel was online, i asked her if i could call, of course she said yes :) i know i must have been talking a million miles a minute. i asked her how to keep the water warm when we filled the pool, and i remember telling her how excited i was hearing the water running knowing James was filing the pool!! I decided i should probably get off and call Alexa( mw ) to let her know. I dont know what, but Rachel was the last person i talked to on the phone. I didnt want to talk to anyone on the phone. SO James called everyone. He called Alexa first, she got there so fast. She came in, said i looked good and i could tell she was excited too. Right after James called ALexa he called Stephanie. Erik said he never saw her get out of bed so fast
Alexa got to our home very quickly. Followed shortly by Stephanie and Erik. James called everyone else on our list and let them know i was in labor. Erik and Melinda took the big 4 to church, they were having an egg hunt and i didnt want my kids to miss it. When the left, Stephanie, James and I went for a walk to the zoo. Alexa stayed at the house to read. While we walked i had rushes. We talked about everything. Even Stephanies pet ducks :) When we went back to the house Tara ( my doula ) and Chas were there waiting. I felt so loved by them both. We went inside and sat in the dark livingroom. i rocked in the recliner and was quiet. Erik called at least 4 times to see how i was doing. He was the nervous dad, and he was adorable! He brought the kids and Melinda home from church. He also brought Thai food :) it smelled good, but i wasnt hungry. I spent time in the corner of my kitchen rushing. It felt powerful. The sun on felt so warm coming through the window. It was perfect. After a while i had james check me. and i was... 5cm... so we went walking.

James and I walked around a lot. We walked down the small dirt road by our house. it was so quiet there. and the sun was so warm. i would pull my shirt up over my head and expose my big round belly to the sun and have these amazing rushes. They made me feel so powerful. James would hold my belly or my arms as i would rush. He was my pillar of strength. We would laugh and talk and kiss and hug between rushes. after a while we went back to the house and i had James check me again. I was sure i was getting close, it was at least 6 in the evening by now, he checked me, and i was.... 5 almost 6 cm..... I was sure he was doing it wrong. I tried in vain to check myself but i couldnt find my cervix. So we went back walking. This time we just walked in the back yard. I held onto the patio wall and rushed. Everyone watched me. I could feel them supporting me with their thoughts. After a couple rushes Sophia asked me why i was making so much noise. And if i was okay. I told her i was fine, and i was just time for the baby to come. she said " okay. I love you mommy" and the way she said it made me burst into tears. everyone laughed and smiled.

At this point i was rushing very close together and very srong. It was so powerful. I remember Alexa saying more then once that it was a beautiful day to have a baby outside. I remember thinking we should have put the pool on the patio!! In the middle of the next rush, as i was moaning and rocking and leaning on James, a tractor drove by our fence. It distracted me so much. Then a bee or a fly flew in my face. It was getting dark, dusk really. So we decided it was time for the pool. I went in and sat on the recliner and nursed Isaiah one last time. It felt good to sit and hold him. James got the pool all ready. I didnt want the kids in the pool room with me, because i didnt want Isaiah in the water. I got in. The water felt soo good. It was really hot though, too hot. i started to feel kind of faint from the heat. So after a little while i got out and they cooled the water down. When i got back into the water i quickly got upset that i could not feel my rushes. It felt like they had stopped. So, i stood up and walked around the pool, and marched in place and squatted. With every rush i felt closer to baby. I told myself it was time to start pushing. So i did. with every rush i pushed with everything i had. I pushed hard. i know at some point everyone came in to the room, they sat around quietly watching me, praying for me. I was getting upset. I was upset that if i sat in the water i couldn't feel anything ( looking back i know that the water worked for me like people dream of it working. i felt nothing anywhere the water touched me and i could not accept that my body could be working if i didnt feel it ), i was frustrated that i was pushing and the baby wasnt coming out. Alexa told me over and over and over again" Trust yourself, Trust yourself" i kept saying it to myself in my head. Durring one rush while i was pushing there was a "pop" and i felt my water break! I started laughing. I must have sounded crazy! I was soo excited. A. i was excited that the water was clear( i was now over 24 hours of labor ) and B. that i felt my water break on its own, something i had never felt before! It was amazing and it made me feel so excited. But, the excitment faded for me quickly when the baby did not come out and did not come out.

I felt sad. I felt done. I felt tiered. i sat down in the water and wrapped my arms around James neck and burrried my face in his shoulder and cried. " why?" i whispered to him " why isn't the baby out yet? why is this taking so long?" he told me not to worry. I know that Alexa asked everyone to leave the room, i dont remember them leaving. Alexa left us alone to rest. I was so worried. I knew my baby was fine. Alexa had checked babies heart rate all through out the day, his heart was always perfect, doing just what it needed to do. She was never worried about the baby. Alexa came in and said she thought i should go lay in my bed. I agreed. I asked her to please check me. This was the 1st time she had done this to me ever. It hurt like crazy. She said " you are only 7, and your cervix is very swollen. You must go to bed and rest now" i wanted to die.
When i was in labor with Sophia, i started orgasmic birthing, and pushing. the nurses told me " DONT PUSH! YOU WILL make your cervix swell and have to have a c'section!" I knew when i was in labor with SOphia that was a load of crap. But, as soon as i heard Alexa say.." and your cervix is very swollen" all i heard was " transfer to hospital, csection". She wrapped a blanket around me and put socks on my feet. She walked me to my room and i laid down. I closed my eyes. I cried. How could this be happening. WHY is this happening? What did i do wrong? I went to my room around 11pm. It was dark in my room. Isaiah was asleep at the foot of my bed on his bed. James sat beside the bed so i could grab his shoulders durring the rushes. At one point i smelled toast, and thought " this is a weird time to be eating toast, but okay" turns out my friends were lighting my towels on fire :)

Alexa came in and pushed on my back and made the rushes feel much better. i fell asleep. i woke to Alexa touching my feet. I pulled them away from her and she pulled them back saying " Let me do my work!" i relaxed and fell back asleep.
( 11:55ish ) When i woke i had to pee. James helped me up. As we stepped into the hallway outside our door i had a rush and lost some fluid and bright red blood and mucus. I saw the bloood and felt afraid. i went to the toilet, drippig all the way. I peed, and when i wiped i saw more blood. I sent James to get Alexa, i wanted to make sure it was okay. as soon as he left i started orgasmic birthing. I was smiling and laughing and feeling everything. I wasnt worried anymore, i knew my baby was coming down! Alexa came in and she checked me, though this time instead of pain it felt wonderful, she said " your 8 with a huge lip, im gonna move it out of the way, this might hurt" ha! It didnt hurt at all! It was like an explosion of power inside me! she had me get on the floor while she ran to get the birth stool. That woman is quick! In 2 minutes she had everything she needed, the birth stool, the chux pads her bag of stuff. She had me get on the birth stool. James was on the toilet behind me bracing himself as i pushed against him with all my might. I braced myself on the wall and the tub. I could feel the baby moving down. It felt like a train i couldn't stop. I started yelling at Alexa " YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE BABY! YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE BABY! " she tried to tell me i could do it, but i felt like i couldn't let go of the wall and the tub, i yelled " ALEXA YOU HAVE TO DO IT!" and then he was out. And as fast as he was out, he was in my arms. it was 12:05am the 25th of April. 30 hours of labor!!

Alexa told me to sit down on the floor with him and not to pull. I looked between his legs and said " its a boy! hes a boy!!" I was shocked. As i sat there the door behind Alexa opened and there were all my sisters. I asked for my kids at once. Lydia was in the room very quickly, the others were alseep and dont even remember anything of that night. Alexa checked the cord and gave a little tug. I asked" whats ripping?" and she put her hands together and said " You must do this by yourself" She told me that there was a true knot in the cord. When i heard this i was shocked. I thoght that you couldnt deliver a baby with a true knot. Almost instantly i looked at my baby and thought " Gideon, my mightly warrrior.". i delivered the placenta no problem. Lydia cut the cord. And then we moved down the hall to my bedroom.
we checked him over, weighed him, meauserd him dressed him and he came to bed with me. Alexa examined the placenta. Turns out his cord had 3 issues. 1. a true knot. 2. it also had a tear in it. 3. the ripping i heard wa the sound of roots of the cord tearing away from the placenta. Again, when she told me this i thought " Gideon. a mighty warrior!" I called my mom for the first time. I knew if i called her at anytime i would cry because she wasnt with me. I told her i liked the name Gideon. After about 2 hours we went to bed. When i woke in the morning. I knew his name. Gideon Alex James Wylie.

His birth is not about time. His birth just was. It was the birth he needed. It was the birth I needed ( even though i didn't know it ). His birth was a dance that James, Myself and my precious baby boy danced for hours on end. His birth was NOTHING i had planned, it was oh so very very much more.

And yes, i want to do it all over again